"We're only young and naive still" -Young Blood by The Naked Famous
Hey beautiful people
It's been a while since I've written.
Today I wanna tell you guys about what will happen to your new year's resolution if one incident left a dent in your perfect progress.
My new year's resolution was to not skip school so much. Let's just say, last year, I hadn't had much of a great school year. I was a loner and my social life pretty much sucked. I used to skip school a day every other week. And it brought attention to teachers and don't worry, all that's passed.
I thought, with a new year, it would be a new me. Of course that wasn't my only resolution. I had other things planned for the year too. But that besides the point. The point is today, I did something that ruined the progress of my resolution. I skipped school.
Now, don't fret. I had a reason. I didn't get to sleep last night due to the stupid mosquitoes that left bumps on legs, hands and face. It's not a nice situation, especially when you're trying to get some sleep at night and you have to scratch your legs. Then it just had to be time for school. Of course I was dead tired. What do you expect? I tried to get a short nap on my parent's bed to get just a little sleep. Didn't work. So I told my parents and all my mum had to say is "back to her old self, never going to change." In Malay of course.
In the end, I wasn't going to care what she said and climbed back on my bed to get my well-needed rest.
6.50PM. This is when things switched up, a lot. We were supposed to have this short prayer to sort of thank Allah for my 3rd sister's passing of her driving test and my 1st sister's new job which starts tomorrow, and to sort of pray that my BIL's health gets better and that my 2nd sister gets a soulmate whatever thing...and then my dad adds that we pray for me to change my attitude about school and that I would not skip. This was when I snapped.
Let me tell you something. When you wanna joke, you DON't joke about someone's sensitive issue.
1. It is just one day, and I had a valid fucking reason.
2. I am trying to change, it just so happens that the day that the fucking mosquitoes had to come and give me a scratching fit was a school night.
3. While everyone's reason was nice as to why we have to pray to Allah, mine had to seem like I was disappointing the family.
How do you think that made me feel now?
Sure it may seem like I'm over reacting but try to put yourself in my shoes. Let's say someone were to use your insecurities as a joke, tell me, would you like it? Now I'm not saying that I'm mad at my dad. No, I'm not mad at anyone. Definitely not. I don't get mad easily. It's just the fact that I felt like a fucking failure is what's getting to me. And then stupid me had to have a tweeting fit on twitter about the whole issue and the whole world can see about my issue and how I'm not thankful and shit.
The only questions in my head is am I really a failure? A disappointment? Does my past really determine whether or not I can change who I am? If people want me to change, then why do they keep reminding me of my past mistakes? Am I just overreacting or am I ungrateful? What do I do now that one day, one incident has already had me in a crying fit? Do I go on? Go on to prove all those people wrong about what I really am? Or just quit?
I certainly won't quit. Pft. It's only February.
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-live, laugh and love
