"Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend."- How To Save A Life by The Fray
Whaddup beautiful peeps.
It's Saturday and you know what that means?
It's Hazirin's rap-up-of-the-week.
White Chicks, all time favourite movie. Thinking of watching it after I finish this.
Noticed something? I deleted my playlist. I realise that I don't really listen to pop music now. More of indie, thanks to my sis. And I could just add my favourite indie songs in the playlist but I don't really have a favourite cause I just 'Shuffle Play' on Spotify. I never thought that I'd get into indie just because. But then I realise that some of the songs I listen to before I got into it were actually indie. I just didn't know. Heh.
Also, these rap-up-of-the-week posts, they're not always gonna be posted on Friday because I may get tired or lazy sometimes so they may be posted the next day. Like this one.
My laptop is being a bitch the past two nights. The audio isn't working so I'm just using my phone to listen to music whilst writing this.
Saturday & Sunday.
Whatever bleh. Too far back. Don't remember.
Monday.
What happened? I don't remember. Honestly, I have goldfish memory. All I can remember are the big events. Sorry.
Tuesday.
We did a test. And I failed. It was Math. Among my friends, I had the lowest score. I just suck at Math, basically. Everytime I get it, something much harder comes around. I'm just going in circles with this shit. I never told them what my score was. I was embarrassed.
I was really depressed that day. And just kept thinking about all the things that I suck at. I even wrote a list:
- Math
- Mother Tongue
- English
- Socialising
- Hockey (since I quit)
- Performing
- Art
- Life
- Everything I do
I think that sums everything up, ay?
Wednesday, Thursday & Friday.
Shitty. Of course there are good things. But I've just been moody that I may have annoyed my friends. (Sorry guys.) Thursday was extra shitty. Got a bit of a case about the financial crisis. I feel like since I've known about the thing that my parents had been keeping from me, I've just went downhill. I don't like it. It affects me, it affects the people around me. It's not fair.
Of course, my mother tongue teacher may have noticed something in me but never asked cause I'm always off during class. I don't know what's gotten into me. When did I become so unhappy?
There is this movie called Suicide Room. Watch it. If you become an emotional wreck after it, don't blame me. I just, the guy in it is gorgeous. Credits to Nadiah, another one of my close friends.
I have no mood for anything. What else?
I have been watching Connor's videos to see any sign of unhappiness. He really hid it well. 6 months, can you believe it? I know I can't. But it's the truth.
Marvel. I've been reading the comics on my phone. Very interesting. Of course that added to my obsession over Marvel.
I had a very weird dream about an old crush. I'll just end there.
Oh yeah, Germany won the World Cup. I'm really happy about that.
I got my period last night. Like at 3am. Hahah. Yeah I was up watching O2L videos. So I can't fast now. Yay?
I've been thinking about clothes. Like I really do wanna wear a hijab. Like my best friend Aisyah, she wears a hijab and she looks absolutely pretty. You can check her out on instagram. I'm not sure if it's private or public. It's @aisyahsinwan. And like lately, I'm into preppy stuff. I see the outfits on pinterest and oh my god, they're gorgeous. I feel like they both work together because the preppy style don't really show much skin. And yeaaap.
I've been working out also. Following the 7 minutes workout app on my phone. Love it. Carry weights too, to tone my arms which I dislike. Running also, I wanna start doing more regularly. Just because I'm out of hockey, doesn't mean I don't have to be fit. Insyallah, in the long run, I get to have the body I dream of.
Also, I've decided to delete my wattpad story. I mean, look at me, I'm a mess. I am in no state to write a story when I'm still figuring out mine. Of course, I'll resume it when I've finished it.
Oh, and lately I've been getting anxiety. Like multiple days in a row. I don't like that this state is happening again to me. I want it to stop.
Oh, and lately I've been getting anxiety. Like multiple days in a row. I don't like that this state is happening again to me. I want it to stop.
All-in-all, I had a shitty week but there are the little things that make me come back down to earth. Like that Pink Sands scented Yankee candle burning. Mm-mm. Very therapeutic.
I may go for a little skate in the middle of the night.
Thanks for reading. Follow me on my social media links below.
Byeeeeeeeeeee.
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